10 Things I Hate About Hairy Potter

10 Things I Hate About Hairy Potter

1. He doesn't listen when I say "Call me"
2. He doesn't care about me at all
3. I can't continue hating him

It poisons me and all I do is think about what a selfish bastard he is and how he got "sick" of me, nnd yet I AM SICK!!

Fuck!!! If only he had a heart and a brain and some guts.

If onlyhe had turned around when I shrugged him off.

Why the fuck did he even wink at me, whey couldn't he just say: I like you Zen, lets talk some more.

His friend MM said he wasn't a "Shy Guy" but around me, he was! That's how I look at it.

He didn't have the guts just to stop and think, she said she wanted to see me. Why did she even come or ask me to come if she was just going to shrug me off?

Why I am the loser here? Why do I feel like when I want to win/win with him, he has walked away. He dumped me and there is nothing wrong with me.

I'm going through this tough time and he doesn't understand and he doesn't even want to!!!

What a fuckstick! I hate him so much, but I love him too and I want to feel either one way or the other or feel nothing at all.

I've tried so hard to just get rid of the "feelings" and they won't budge. I am at war with myself over what I feel.

And yet I know that even though he has become the "focus" of my anger that is trully directed and deservedly directed at my previous workplace. He doesn't care about me enough to think, oh she is hurting, I'll give her a call.

She's going through a tough time, I'm going to put aside my hurt pride and give her a call, coz I like her.

I love him, he doesn't like me anymore. Or whatever it is that he feels and I'm the one pinning for a dick that doesn't deserve me!!!

Its consuming my every moment. I think I need to talk things through over the phone. Rather than face to face as I don't want pictures of him and me to be seen by you-know-who.

I just wish I could make some sense of what is really going on in my head....

K says she thinks its coz I'm so introspective that my mind is so occupied and I can't think straight.

It's true!! My unconcscious mind is struggling with all the thoughts, hurt and emotional pain as well as struggling under the stress of being so happy, I'm wishing I was on the brink again.

I know I won't kill myself, but its such an easy way out. It's an ending for this tortuous life and I wish I was and could be transported 6 or 12 months into the future.

Maybe one way I can get HP out of my system is to blog it and then I know that the words are kept safe from my own self sabotaging.