So This Is Christmas

Yep and it doesn't feel like it.

I almost died today, ok, so that is an exaggeration, but I took too many pain meds and almost poisoned myself.

It turned out ok though, coz now I feel better about taking them and although the cocktail I took almost did me in, at least I didn't have to have my stomach pumped or be taken into hospital.

I called out for help and God really delivered. How you ask:

My health care cover paid for the ambulance

Lifeline who I called to keep me conscious til after the paramedics came was a nurse and convinced Mum about the severity of my situation. i.e. she was yelling and panicking about me calling the ambulance

When the paramedics came, one guy was really nice the other was a bit mean and laughed at me, but I was too out of it to care.

The advice was just to take one, not three of that type, which is what I did, ouch the vomiting was awful.

I am soooo sooooooo soooooooooo thankful to my job actually, with the first aid training and the realisation (from God I know) that Heath Ledger really did accidentally overdose, my situation was exactly the same.

The pills turned out to be a form of morphine and morphine does that to a person, makes your head go loopy, I saw Dad do it. When he died of cancer, he was hiking up the doses of morphine and kept taking more and more. I told Mum that he was doing it and she finally got the guts to start looking after his medication herself. Which solved the loopiness he was in. He went back for more every hour or something.

Thank God I didn't have the awful dreams that a person is supposed to get. I prayed that God would keep me safe and He did. I am so blessed to be alive right now. I could've gone to sleep and not woken up.

The paramedics and Mum disagreed on that point, but I certainly prayed and said to myself that I wasn't going to die.

I know a person who committed suicide and she took pills. I spoke to her grieving Mother and it turns out that her flatmate and herself had suicide pact, they sent letters to family, so luckily the paramedics saved the flatmate, but poor L died an awful death.

I know another girl who almost died of an overdose, she had to get her stomach pumped and spent ages in the psychiatric ward of some awful hospital. She really suffered poor thing.

If I had an enemy list, psychiatrists would be at the top of the list. My experience and her experience, the one that survived were both awful.

I certainly support and have no problem with people being on pills, I took some for a while, but they just don't work for me at all. I did enjoy being part of the Anti-D Club for a while. I didn't feel like a freak or anything and I can certainly empathise with those who cannot live without them. But its my life and my choice. I live pill free as I can.

I want to be a psychologist. I don't believe pills are the way. Psychologists believe the same thing, they talk things out and that comes naturally to me.

Well cheers to whoever reads this, and have a Merry Christmas. I'm so glad that Jesus chose to be born a human being so His expectations of us could be lowered. He just wants us to be his friend, I think that is the best thing to live for don't you?